Less Me  

180lbs.

150 mcg levothyroxin – .5 mg alprazolam.

Vibe vitamin/mineral mix – 1oz.  Omega fatty acids-1120mg- EPA – 680mg/DHA – 340mg – /DPA – 100mg .  Glucosamine-MSM-Chondroitin-Collagen Mix.  Coenzyme Q10-LCarnitine-Lecithin Mix.  Vitamin D-3 gelcap-2 – 10000IU.  L-Carnitine – 1000mg.  L-Tyrosine – 1000mg.

2 eas shake – 220cal.  2 eggs- 194cal.

4 17oz bottle water.

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182lbs.

150 mcg levothyroxin – .5 mg alprazolam.

Vibe vitamin/mineral mix – 1oz.  Omega fatty acids-1120mg- EPA – 680mg/DHA – 340mg – /DPA – 100mg .  Glucosamine-MSM-Chondroitin-Collagen Mix.  Coenzyme Q10-LCarnitine-Lecithin Mix.  Vitamin D-3 gelcap-2 – 10000IU.  L-Carnitine – 1000mg.  L-Tyrosine – 1000mg.

1 eas shake – 110cal.

2 17oz bottle water.

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Going to the head-shrinker today… too nervous to exercise, wish me luck… Well, that didn’t go as well as I planned.  See Rant #3 – Doctors for the low down…

184lbs.

150 mcg levothyroxin – .5 mg alprazolam.

Vibe vitamin/mineral mix – 1oz.  Omega fatty acids-1120mg- EPA – 680mg/DHA – 340mg – /DPA – 100mg .  Glucosamine-MSM-Chondroitin-Collagen Mix.  Coenzyme Q10-LCarnitine-Lecithin Mix.  Vitamin D-3 gelcap-2 – 10000IU.  L-Carnitine – 1000mg.  L-Tyrosine – 1000mg.

1 eas shake – 110cal.

2 17oz bottle water.

10 minute stair stepper- 2 times at 190 cal.  Leg weight lifting session- 1 set – 25 reps each – 9 exercises – 40 cal.

The increase in weight came from an attempt to switch from the shakes to an all protein diet in the real world.  Each morning during the weekend began well.  By the end of the day, trapped with mostly bad choices away from home, ate food I neva shoulda ate… and paid the price big-time.    Chinese food on Saturday & italian food with lotsa bread on Sunday.  Can anyone say carb-coma???  So, for now, I am back on the shakes until I figure something else out.  Trying to get the exercising going.  Wish me luck…

180lbs.

150 mcg levothyroxin – .5 mg alprazolam.

Vibe vitamin/mineral mix – 1oz.  Omega fatty acids-1120mg- EPA – 680mg/DHA – 340mg – /DPA – 100mg .  Glucosamine-MSM-Chondroitin-Collagen Mix.  Coenzyme Q10-LCarnitine-Lecithin Mix.  Vitamin D-3 gelcap-2 – 10000IU.  L-Carnitine – 1000mg.  L-Tyrosine – 1000mg.

2 oz chicken – 140cal. 2 oz steak – 150cal. 4 oz veggies – 140cal.

5 17oz bottle water.

15 mile bike ride at 13amph.

183lbs.

150 mcg levothyroxin – .5 mg alprazolam.

Vibe vitamin/mineral mix – 1oz.  Omega fatty acids-EPA/DHA.  Glucosamine-MSM-Chondroitin-Collagen Mix.  Coenzyme Q10-LCarnitine-Lecithin Mix.  Vitamin D-3 gelcap-2.

1 shakes-110cal. – 4 eggs

1 17oz bottle water.

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182lbs.

150 mcg levothyroxin – .5 mg alprazolam.

Vibe vitamin/mineral mix – 1oz.  Omega fatty acids-EPA/DHA.  Glucosamine-MSM-Chondroitin-Collagen Mix.  Coenzyme Q10-LCarnitine-Lecithin Mix.  Vitamin D-3 gelcap-2.

6 shakes-660cal.

8 17oz bottle water.

180lbs.

150 mcg levothyroxin – .5 mg alprazolam.

Vibe vitamin/mineral mix – 1oz.  Omega fatty acids-EPA/DHA.  Glucosamine-MSM-Chondroitin-Collagen Mix.  Coenzyme Q10-LCarnitine-Lecithin Mix.  Vitamin D-3 gelcap-2.

3 shakes-380cal.

3 17oz bottle water.

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178lbs.

150 mcg levothyroxin – .5 mg alprazolam.

Vibe vitamin/mineral mix – 1oz.  Omega fatty acids-EPA/DHA.  Glucosamine-MSM-Chondroitin-Collagen Mix.  Coenzyme Q10-LCarnitine-Lecithin Mix.  Vitamin D-3 gelcap-2.

2 shakes-220cal.

3 17oz bottle water.

10 minute stair stepper- 3 times at 276 cal.  Chest weight lifting session- 3 set – 25 reps each – 6 exercises – 85 cal.  (omg, look… I got to put exercise finally…)

This is me getting back to 178.  Since posting this weight last Monday I was up to 185 and now I’m back down.  I rode a 10 mile beginner ride on Saturday.  Sunday I did 17 miles of intermediate riding.  Most of the bupropion is now out of my system and I am feeling a lot more normal.  I am not exercising every day.  This is important because I feel that ‘regular’ exercise is going to modify my metabolism.  If I am not exercising every day, I won’t get to see if this theory is accurate.

Last Tuesday was day 1 with counseling.  She seems very excited about helping me.  Her method is Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, it’s linked.  I am most familiar with basic Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.  CBT being a behavioral modifying therapy that teaches one to relate to stressors in a cognitive way, bringing about behavior patterns that keep the stressors realistic and modify ones reaction to them.  REBT seems to deal more with stressors causing an emotion that is not rational, leading to an inability to effectively frame or problem-solve the stressor, thereby falling in to a pattern of ongoing distress.

The therapy teaches one to explore the rationality of the emotion that is triggered by the stressor, and take steps to make the resulting emotion more rational, thereby leading to the ability to live harmoniously with the stressor with this new belief system.  But only if I understand it correctly.  I’ve only had one session, only an introduction to the therapist.  I feel good about the therapist so far.  She also brought up an unusual thought, could I have Adult ADD.  I am scheduled to meet with a psych on July 28.  This is a good thing.  At this point, I am so frustrated, I’m open to anything that might bring relief.

178lbs.

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183lbs

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No time to post food, drink, exercise or anything.  Very busy work week.  But oh, my god, I feel so much better… almost normal.  It is so good…

180lbs

150 mcg levothyroxin – .5 mg alprazolam.

Vibe vitamin/mineral mix – 1oz.  Omega fatty acids-EPA/DHA.  Glucosamine-MSM-Chondroitin-Collagen Mix.  Coenzyme Q10-LCarnitine-Lecithin Mix.

5 shakes-600cal. 1 large spinach & mixed herb salad w/ 2 tbls dressing- 200cal. 3 eggs-291cal.

6 17oz bottle water.

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It’s Monday  I took my last dose of the bupropion on Friday.  I feel the tiniest bit better.  I almost worked today.  Technically it’s a day off, so no guilt for going back to sleep til 12:30pm.  I think I needed the rest.   Oh, bad things yesterday – taco bell, 1 baja gordita-320cal & SuperSonic cheeseburger – 980cal.  I don’t know why I thought I’d be ok leaving the house with 4 shakes and 6 bottles of water when I hadn’t had any solid food yet yesterday.  Guess I thought when I got out of town my ‘guests’ would have accompanied me into the grocery store.  Went to visit my daughter, she was mad and so I spent the day alone.  It was good, but I was too anxious to go into the grocery store.  Ha!  Me & my grocery store phobias.  It’s a left over effect from being thin.  The strangest thing.  When I was younger & thinner, every time I went to the grocery store, I felt like people were staring at me.  Sounds like a normal- abnormal phobia, right?  I mentioned it to a few of my friends, they thought it I was being weird.  So I would go with them… sure enough people were staring at us. Probably ok for a normal person, but being painfully shy, it always made me really uncomfortable.  What was interesting is that as I gained weight, I disappeared.  That was so cool.

182lbs

150 mcg levothyroxin – .5 mg alprazolam.

Vibe vitamin/mineral mix – 1oz.  Omega fatty acids-EPA/DHA.  Glucosamine-MSM-Chondroitin-Collagen Mix.  Coenzyme Q10-LCarnitine-Lecithin Mix.

5 shakes-600cal.  taco bell, 1 baja gordita-320cal.  SuperSonic cheese burger – 980cal.

8 17oz bottle water.

no exercise.

So, it appears I am in a hover, at the 180′s.  I can deal with that.  I feel the tiniest, teeniest better this morning.  I know the med is going to take 3 weeks to get out of my system, but I am feeling a little better.  I’m kinda bummed, I had hoped the bupropion was going to make me feel happy and motivated. NOT!!

By the way, today was classified as a good day.  Spent the day on my boat.  (oh, yeah, I bought a sail boat last week.  See,  if I was feeling normal, I’d be totally happy about this, not even excited.)  Had to keep her in the slip,  because I’ve only been on a sail boat twice in my life & I don’t know how to sail, yet.  But it was so enjoyable laying below in the berth, hatch open, watching the clouds go by.

183lbs

150 mcg levothyroxin – .5 mg alprazolam.

Vibe vitamin/mineral mix – 1oz.  Omega fatty acids-EPA/DHA.  Glucosamine-MSM-Chondroitin-Collagen Mix.  Coenzyme Q10-LCarnitine-Lecithin Mix.

2 shakes-110cal.  11oz fresh cherries-198cal.  2 avocadoes-240cal.  2 tbls sour cream-50cal.  2 tbls dressing-80cal.  1 egg-97cal.

4 17oz bottle water.

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The weight fluctuations are telling me the lack of exercise is not working.  I stopped taking the bupropion today.  I couldn’t take it any more.  I have been more depressed, agitated and unmotivated since before I started taking them.  Geez, all I wanted to do for the last 3 weeks was vegetate at my computer.  I started blogging after I began the meds.  We’ll have to see if things improve over the next 3 weeks.  My first counseling session is in 10 days from today.  That has me excited.  I hope it yields some insight to what is going on.

180lbs

150 mcg levothyroxin – .5 mg alprazolam – 100 mg bupropion.

Vibe vitamin/mineral mix – 1oz.  Omega fatty acids-EPA/DHA.  Glucosamine-MSM-Chondroitin-Collagen Mix.  Coenzyme Q10-LCarnitine-Lecithin Mix.

1 shakes-110cal.  6 oz low-carb fajitas- 650cal.  6 oz turkey chili – 450cal. 2 pickles-50cal. 1 can olives-275cal. 2 eggs-200cal. 1 EAS shake-110cal.

8 17oz bottle water.

no exercise.

You guys commented to me yesterday.  I am still happy about it.

I ate a steak last night for dinner.  First time I had steak in 4 weeks.  I used to eat nothing but steak, fish, eggs and low glucose veggies.  That was back when I felt good.  But doing that last summer, even with daily, intense exercise, did not help significantly with the weight loss.  But it did taste really good last night.  Today I am taking my bupropion earlier in the morning, so I can take a second dose this afternoon.  Then, 3 weeks from now, we will see if it is helping.   C’est la vie!

I’m still confused why I am not exercising and eating out-of-control AND registering a weight LOSS?????

181lbs

150 mcg levothyroxin – .5 mg alprazolam – 100 mg bupropion.

Vibe vitamin/mineral mix – 1oz.  Omega fatty acids-EPA/DHA.  Glucosamine-MSM-Chondroitin-Collagen Mix.  Coenzyme Q10-LCarnitine-Lecithin Mix.

5 shakes-550cal. 4 eggs-400cal. olive oil-50cal. 1 pickle-25cal.  1 3oz steak-185cal.

9 17oz bottle water.

no exercise.

People posted comments. That made me so happy. They shared some great information with me. It helped a lot!! I am ok today. Although a bit confused about the steady weight loss. As you can see, I have not exercised since Sunday, why am I losing weight? God only knows, my eating has certainly been on the heavy side. Interesting…

Today is the beginning of a new month.  An opportunity for redemption.  I am putting my vitamin/mineral supplements back into my routine.  I cannot exercise today, but will begin tomorrow.

182lbs

150 mcg levothyroxin – .5 mg alprazolam – 100 mg bupropion.

5 EAS shakes-550cal.  1 can of oysters-175cal. 1 serving of turkey chili-400cal. 1 pickle-25cal. 1 pickle-20cal. 4 eggs drizzle with rosemary-infused dressing-450cal.

8 17oz bottles of water.

no exercise.

AAAGGGHHHHH.  I have got to keep the emotionality out of this.  This is science.  That is all it is.  Just walk through the steps.  Just analyze the data. Thank you to all that have taken the time to comment.  Those comments are a lifeline in unstable waters.

So, my eating became completely out of control.  I don’t know if the long bike ride on Saturday caused it or if my body is still adjusting to the diet.  I did not tweet all of my food intake for Sunday/Monday.  I was too busy eating!  No, actually, I am experiencing a strong down mood.  Don’t know what is causing it.  That is why sticking to the routine is so very important.

I take bupropion.  This is a new medication for me, bupropion, wellbutrin is the common name.  It is a dopamine reuptake inhibitor. In studies, it has been shown to assist with weight loss.  I took this medication in 1996 to quit smoking.  I quit smoking immediately.  Everything was great until 4 weeks into it when I started experiencing horrific panic attacks. Immediately stopped the meds.  I’ve suffered from panic attacks ever since.  I have always suffered from anxiety, but not panic attacks.  Unlike seratonin, which makes you happy, dopamine controls your central nervous system and makes you calm.  Most people that suffer with addictive behavior may have incorrect levels of dopamine in their systems.  (food addictions?  I don’t know, can’t find anyone studying that)  This week I am supposed to increase the half dose I take now to the full dose I’m supposed to be taking.  Well, I was supposed to do that one week into it, but I’m fearful.  What if the panic thing happens again.

What do we know?  We know that removing insulin high foods from the diet causes a change in hormones that take 3-6 weeks to see.  Any modification in hormones takes that long to register.  It’s not like sugar, where the rush is immediate.   The medication takes 3+ weeks to start to modify the dopamine levels.  At the end of this week, July 3rd, it will be 3 weeks.

I feel depressed, agitated.  I cannot concentrate or follow a to-do list.  I strongly do not want to exercise.  I don’t want to do anything but sit and stare at my computer monitor AND this has been going on for 3 weeks.  I don’t know what to make of this.  I have to wait 9 weeks for my doctor to determine if the bupropion is helping.   It is too early to tell.  We do not know how much of how I feel is the change in diet, the removal of regular exercise or the medication.  That’s why sticking to the schedule is so important.  The emotionality is troubling me.  The only thing I left out was a devastating fight I had with my husband on June 21st.  No details, but we can safely say he shook up my feeling of security at home.

How do we know what to contribute to genetics, to conditioning, life stressors and to biological effects?  I don’t know.  All the information on the web double & triple contradicts itself.  Do any of you have any insight?

183lbs

150 mcg levothyroxin – .5 mg alprazolam – 100 mg bupropion.

4 EAS shakes-440cal.   4 slices of cheese-460cal.   Small bowl of turkey chili- 400cal.   1 egg-97cal.   Small bowl of turkey chili- 400cal.   3 pickles-100cal.

8 17oz bottles of water.

no exercise.

181lbs

150 mcg levothyroxin – .5 mg alprazolam – 100 mg bupropion

3 shakes- 330cal.  1 pickles- 50cal.  4 eggs w/ sauce- 560cal.  1 large spinach and herb salad w/ 1 pickle, 2 small tomatoes & 1/4 cup fresh mushrooms w/ 2 tbls dressing- 325 cal.  4 slices of cheese-460cal. Small bowl of turkey chili- 400cal.  3 pickles-100cal.

8 17oz bottles of water.

10 minute stair stepper- 94cal.  10 min stair stepper- 88cal.  back weight lifting session- 80 cal.

I didn’t go riding this morning.  I allowed myself to get discouraged.  I always see a tiny weight adjustment when I ride long – not yesterday.  Got on the scale this morning, read the 181, and said f**k it.  And I usually don’t talk like that.  I know the weight isn’t going to come off instantly, but when I do something big, I want to see a little encouragement.  Yesterday’s ride was hard, even for me.  I did 31 miles, I stayed above 13.5 amph.  I didn’t give up.  And nothing?

I guess I’m at a point where I just need a little something more than hearing myself say: See, it’s never coming off, this is just who you are now.  Get used to it…  I’m in this all alone.  My husband only has one thing to say: ‘I love you however you are.’  Well, thanks and all, but that’s not really motivating me to get serious.  And I am surrounded by people telling me I’m not ‘that’ fat.  What does that mean, exactly?  Have I obtained some suitable level of obesity?  (Well, sweetie, you’re ok at a size 16, when you get to size 22, then you will have crossed ‘that line’.  Say it isn’t so.) Needless to say, they are not an ideal source of encouragement.

Anywhoo.  I sound as bad as the french with the whine…

180lbs

150 mcg levothyroxin – .5 mg alprazolam – 100 mg bupropion

5 shakes- 560cal.  2 pickles- 100cal.  4 eggs drizzle with rosemary-infused dressing-450cal.  6oz ham- 200cal.

7 17oz bottle water.

1 2hr 20min bike ride at 13amph, burned 1663 calories.

I went bike-riding by myself today.  We got up late and it was really hot, but I did the 30 miles I intended to do.  Done.  Finished.  I wanted to quit and was actually feeling sick, but I pushed through it and feel so much better for it.  Goal accomplished.  Yes!  Yesterday I only did the stair-stepper once, for 30 minutes.  Then did the weigh lifting for chest.  So, I didn’t do 2 additional 30 minute stair-step sessions.  I am supposed to complete 3 – 30 minute stair-step sessions each day, for a total of 850 calories burned.  Goal not accomplished.  That was the only day last week I did any exercise.  We’ll see what happens next week.

Well, no postings due to guilt.  Watched the world cup at a restaurant last Sunday.  I went in prepared,  had 4 shakes and 3 waters in my lunch box.  First it started with hubby suggesting a beer would be ok.  Had a shot instead, knowing that wouldn’t effect my carb ratios.  But it kicked up my appetite really strong and that lead to chicken wings.  Followed by tomato bisque soup & salad.  Then we decided we DESERVED to have a triple piezookie.  Really now, DESERVED?????

I wish I knew where that comes from.  I eat certain foods, become emotionally engaged and suddenly DESERVE to be an unhealthy fat-ass.  Now, 6 days later, it doesn’t make any logical sense, but I believe the point at which my hubby decided to join me was at my statement “no, YOU don’t understand, I AM having this!”  It was completely logical at the restaurant.  And I feel like I need to understand it in order to overcome it.  And why don’t I deserve to be healthy & thin again?

179lbs

137mcg levothyroxin – .5mg alprazolam- 100mg bupropion.

4 protein shakes- 480cal.  4 eggs, with cheese- 500cal.  Jello snack- 100cal.   Can of oysters- 170cal.  Spinach & greens salad w/ dressing- 150cal.  3 pickles w/ dressing- 100cal.

7 17oz bottle water.

1 15 mile bike ride, burned 575cal.

Well, I’m pretty excited.  From 186 to 179 in 1 week is cool.  It can’t be all water-weight loss because I’m drinking 150+ ounces of water each day.  Today & tomorrow I will bike ride.  Hopefully I’ll get at least 30 miles in each day, for a total of 60 miles.  That will equate out to 1000+ calories burned each day and start me exercising.  Wish me luck!

Hubby is rehabbing a back injury so we were only able to ride 15 miles today.  Will try and do 20 miles tomorrow, if he can.  Felt so good to get back out on the bike.  I know riding plus the resistance training will make a big difference.

181lbs

137mcg levothyroxin- .5mg alprazolam- 100mg bupropion.

4 shakes- 440cal.  4 eggs drizzled in rosemary olive oil- 400cal.

7 17oz bottles of water.

no exercise.

OK.  This feels better.  I went out into the real world yesterday and ran into a ‘oh-no-away-from-the-house-and-starving’ problem.  Was able to then go into an italian restaurant and only have salad.  No calzone, no lasagna, no amazing bread dipped in spiced olive oil.  I did it.  Big break through.  Aside from the salad, I only had shakes yesterday.  Downside, I’m hungry this morning.  I cannot eat until 1+ hours after i take the levo med.  We shall see if the lost weight is real over time.  As you can see, no exercise yet, but that is typical for me.  I usually only implement changes one or 2 at a time.  It’s less stressful that way.

183lbs

137mcg levothyroxin- .5mg alprazolam- 100mg bupropion.

6 shakes- 860cal. 1 large antipasto salad w/ balsamic vinaigrette.  1/2 caprese salad (tomatoes/basil/mozzarella)

8 17oz bottle water

no exercise.

Glad to see the weight loss from yesterday still registering today.