Less Me  

God, i feel so bad and i cannot figure out why.  it is as if my entire life is grinding to a halt.  every single day for the last 3 weeks it’s gotten worse and worse and worse.  i know this sounds like a lot of drama.  it’s not.  i really am in a bad place.  i have this face on for everyone that sees me that everything is ok.  i thought the medication would make me feel better.  i was feeling a little depressed, had a little bit of trouble keeping my mind straight and concentrating.  i was a little stressed out about things.  now?  now, i can’t motivate myself to do anything at all.  i stopped training the cyclists, i don’t ride anymore.  i’m having trouble doing any work at all during the day.

taking time off from work is one thing.  you pull too many hours for too many weeks and you need a break.  so, you take some time off, do some fun stuff, recharge your energy and go back to work.  on monday of this past week, i thought that is what i was going to do.  just kick back and do some fun things.  i watched some of the soccer matches, but couldn’t even force myself to do anything else.  no singing, no working out, no biking, no dance practice.  nothing.  it’s so weird.

it’s weird because i have such a great life, very full, very active.  i own my own business, live in a huge, gorgeous house, drive a beautiful convertible.  i have everything i want.  i have all this professional photography equipment, professional singing equipment.  great hobbies, a loving and devoted husband.  the list goes on and on.  what the hell is wrong with me.  we are active in our local cycling community, we help people through occasional ministry.  we have great friends, great family.  there is no reason for me to be feeling this way.  yet… i can’t get it to stop.