Less Me  

This is very long.  Sorry.  There is just a lot I need to say about the struggle to find the truth,  to end the unnecessary suffering, for me and so many others.

I spent my whole life at a normal weight.  Every so often, I would gain 5 or 10 pounds, but was able to lose it immediately through modifying what I ate or exercise.  I am a very athletic person.  4 years ago it stopped being that way.  I quit smoking.  It seems as though the smoking was covering up the fact that I am an emotional eater.  I also have a thyroid problem.

Last year I was frustrated with not being able to lose any weight even though I was modifying what I ate and exercising a lot.  At the beginning of last year I spent 6 weeks going hard-core, cycling 2-3 hours a day, 6 days a week  and watching what I ate.  At the end of the six weeks,  I lost no weight at all.  I went to the doctor (a GP) and found that my thyroid was slow.  Keep in mind, not because the doctor thought so, but because I forced him to run the tests and it showed up on the test.  He was very closed off about my inability to lose weight, so I found a better doctor (an internist).

Proper regulation of the thyroid takes time.  First because your body reacts slowly to the medication, second because most doctors do not really understand all of the hormones in our bodies, their levels and how they affect each other.  Third, because the doctors do not see that many foods that we eat affect our hormone levels across the board.  That last one does not make sense to me.

Doctors know that eating dark chocolate raises your serotonin levels, but refuse to believe that pasta or bread raises your insulin levels.  It seems to be a contradiction.  But back to my story.  I was frustrated and determined to lose weight and get healthy.  I scheduled 5 months, from April to September, dropping to part-time work at quite an expense, to work out and eat right, thinking that would help me lose the weight like it used to.

I am a cyclist.  So I rode my bike 200 miles a week.  Every week.  And I worked at lowering my caloric intake.  At this point, I was only on 50mcg, then 75mcg of levothyroxin.  At the beginning, my daily caloric intake was 1800cal.  Being an athlete, I did not want to lose muscle mass, so I was cautious.  Every month, I lowered my calorie intake.  1600cal, no results.  1400cal, no results.  Finally at 1200cal daily, I saw some weight loss.  However, I was exhausted all the time.  In 5 months, I had only lost 9 pounds.  Then it was time for me to go back to work full-time.  Through my discouragement, I rode my bike less, I ate poorly and gained back the 9 pounds plus an additional 10 pounds.  So, here I sit, today, at 185lbs.

But I learned some great things along the way.  If your thyroid levels are too slow, you can exercise every day, hard, for 2 or 3 hours and not lose any weight.  Dieting is the same way.  With a slow thyroid, you can take your calories all the way down to 800cal, and you will not lose much weight.  The reason is quite scientific, but to simplify it, our bodies are very efficient.  The body’s main purpose is survival, staying alive.  Ours bodies are also not designed for ingestion of high glucose carbohydrates.

Food affects your hormone levels.  Your body uses hormones to regulate your metabolism to keep you alive.  If you increase your calorie usage with more exercise and/or reduce your calorie intake through eating, and your hormones are not properly level, your body will compensate by slowing your metabolism, thinking it is helping keep you alive.  If your hormones are properly leveled, and if you eat foods that keep your glucose levels steady, with a reasonable amount of weekly exercise, you will maintain a healthy weight.  This has been scientifically proven.  But there are so many lies, so much incorrect information, it is hard to find the truth.

What you eat alters your hormone levels, all of them.  So I began to look at how certain food made me feel.  High protein foods give me energy.  Low glucose carbohydrates, vegetables & fruits, make me feel ok.  High glucose carbohydrate foods cause me to feel lethargic.  They also change my moods, making me feel depressed and like I do not want to exercise.  It is odd that there are so many people suffering from depression, and so much of that is caused by the foods that we eat changing our hormone levels, causing the depressive state.  We don’t need antidepressants, we need to eat less processed foods.  And the whole thing about whole grain bread, it’s wrong.  Especially if you are overweight.  You should never eat bread while trying to lose weight.  It raises your insulin levels sharply.  Just plain truth.

I  worked hard with my doctor to raise my medication levels until they were high enough that my thyroid wasn’t slow.  This just happened in May.  Actually, 150mcg is a little too much for me right now, so I’m backing off to 137mcg.

There is another issue that came to light through all of this.  I am a stress eater.  For so many years, I smoked to handle my stress.  I’m not smoking anymore, so I turn to food- sugary, high-fat food.  It gives me a calming rush, if that makes any sense to you.  But I just began to see this.  So, I will be implementing a plan to address my emotional eating habits.

Right now I am on a very low dose of alprazolam to ease the anxiety I feel.  (please keep in mind, alprazolam, zanax, is highly addictive and must be used with care and I have been diagnosed with anxiety for 15+ years).  In May, my doctor added wellbutrin (bupropion) to see if that helps me.  I’m in some weird place where I cannot concentrate and have brain fog every day, with a little bit of depression.  (This was going on when I was thin, before I quit smoking, so it’s not from my current eating plan, for you nay-sayers.)  I will also start counseling to deal with whatever issue I am trying to eat my way out of.

The next issue to deal with is making myself get back to exercising.  I moved since last summer.  I no longer live in a great neighborhood where I can walk out my door into a 30 mile challenging bike route.  Cycling every day will not be possible.  But I have an excercise room in my house.  A stepper machine, weight lifting machine and all my various hand weights.  The only thing missing is a tv for my exercise dvd’s, but we’re working on that.  That, and figuring out why I can’t bring myself to go in there.  It’s odd, I have weight-lifted all my life and really love it, but I cannot bring myself to do it anymore.

I am going to start with 30 minutes a day, and increase it to 1 hour a day.  Simple and easy.  I ride my bike Saturday & Sunday.  I will work at increasing my mileage from 25 miles per ride to 45 miles per ride.  That will give me 90 miles per week.  Added to the 5x a week stepping and weight training, I should be able to lose this weight.

This will require much discipline because I own my own business and can work too much if  left on my own, which eats up my exercise time.  I will have to force myself at first, but I WILL do this.  I can’t take being fat anymore.

The last issue will be the hardest.  I am tired,  unmotivated and lack hope that I will lose weight this time.  I need help.  I need some cheerleaders.  I need someone to help me believe that I can still do this.  That the attractive, athletic, enthusiastic person deep down under all this excess fat is still there.  Maybe you can help.  Share a comment every once in a while.  Tell me about your own struggle and how you are overcoming it.  Let me know, somehow, that there is hope for me.

Thanks for listening…